Saturday, May 10, 2008

Words, Actions, and the Absence Thereof

I have always convinced myself not to assume anything – even in friendships. I always strive to be upfront with what or how I feel, and I expect the other person to do the same. I don’t usually rely on gestures (nor silences) to tell me what another means. The last thing I want to do is assume, presume, or guess. Non-verbal behavior can signify a lot of things, yes I agree (psychology taught us this). But with people who are close to us, we become less reliant on non-verbal cues to communicate or get indications. The closer you become, the more you expect the person to SAY what they mean. Intimate acts like hugging already start to lose their “mystery” or depth, because they can be acted out despite varying levels of emotions—just because they have become habits. You can fall into a trap of the same actions (routine). Yes, you can argue that we can also be trapped in saying the same words (like I love you), but in the bigger scheme of things, verbal/written communication has much more window for variation, meaning, and depth than actions. This could be the reason why poetry, prose, and music are ultimately boundless, while the number of kissing techniques can all be covered in a book (ok fine, volumes).

I don’t believe that actions speak louder than words. Quite the opposite. Actions only speak louder for those who are not brave to speak (or the mute, of course!). This is my opinion. If words or the absence of words can mean a lot of things and so confuse a lot, how much more could actions? Words by nature are stronger, more reliable, and clearer. Which is why on serious issues, words are necessary (e.g., if we need to admit our innermost feelings). The only exception is tears. Crying is singularly more powerful than words. This is why it has become a weapon, tool, or just the best form of emotional release for some of us.

I digress. Back on to the topic of words being the expected mode of communication for serious issues. In relationships (read: close relations), how are we supposed to know if it is troubled (or on the opposite, blossoming), if the other does not dare to speak in time for anything to be acted upon afterwards? Is it fair to get shocked by revelations that are so sudden and abrupt, that gave you no chance to redeem or prove yourself? How are we supposed to know better in relationships? Are we supposed to be able to sense 100% how another reacts to our each and every action? Must we “master” the decodification of our partner’s every act? In a long-term relationship where you expect that the other speaks up when something is amiss and someone is at fault, is the blame still just on the one at fault if the victim doesn’t say it upfront or right away? All the more, if one decides there is no more room for change, is it still fair to have waited for so long before speaking out and just expecting their actions to project how they feel, expecting the other person to understand? Which is the bigger evil?

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Gosh, with that last paragraph, it felt like lines that would come from Grey's Anatomy or Sex and the City. Nyehehe. Feeling ako.

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